


Thaw

by Grey (grey853)



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related: iceman, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 04:25:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grey853/pseuds/Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair is confused by strange sentinel behavior after the Amber Larkin case in "Ice Man".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thaw

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much a writing exercise I

## Thaw

by Grey

Author's webpage: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Title: Thaw  
Author: Grey  
Email: Grey853@aol.com  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: J/B  
Status: New, complete  
Date: June 20, 1998  
Archive: Yes, or link to my site  
Series/Sequel: No  
Other Website: <http://grey.ravenshadow.net/>

* * *

Summary: Blair is confused by some strange sentinel behavior after the Amber Larkin case in "Ice Man". 

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. That sucks. 

Warning and did to just get out of a slump. Just had to write something or go crazy. Well, it's cheaper than therapy. 

Thaw  
by Grey 

"All right, Jim, you want to tell me what's going on?" Blair Sandburg shifted sideways in the seat to stare at his partner. 

"What?" 

"You've been quiet all the way from the station. Now, that by itself isn't all that unusual, but why do you keep looking at me like that?" 

"Like what, Chief?" Jim Ellison checked his side mirror as the temperature in the driver's seat suddenly rose to downright hot. 

"Man, don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about. Every time you think I'm not paying attention, you glance over here. When I try to talk to you, you look away. Have I done something wrong? What's going on?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Chief." Changing lanes, putting a lot more effort into driving perfection than necessary, he added, "By the way did the captain talk to you about coming in Monday to sign off on all those statements?" 

"Don't change the subject, Jim. You've been acting strange all day, ever since we talked to the DA about Amber's cooperation." 

"I'm just tired, Chief. You might've been too busy to notice, but we just finished up on a hell of a big case." Jim saw a parking space in front of their building and headed for it. He had no desire to explain to his partner the terrible confusion and jealousy that gnawed at him, that wore at his mind like claws digging for painful attention. Until he solved that mystery for himself, how could he possibly explain it to Blair? 

"What's that supposed to mean, too busy to notice?" 

"Nothing, Chief. Like I said, I'm tired and I'm hungry. What do you want for supper? Chinese or pizza?" 

"I don't really care, Jim. I'm getting some really strange vibes here and I need to know what's going on with you." 

"Sandburg, you're starting to piss me off with this 20 question routine. Why don't we just go home and eat? I think we're both too tired to think straight." 

As Jim pulled into the parking space, Blair frowned, but finally surrendered. "Whatever, man." With the car stopped, the younger man opened his door and headed upstairs. 

Not so quick to follow, the detective sat still for a few more moments trying to figure out when he'd realized how much he hated seeing his guide flirt with the young witness involved in their last case. Almost from the beginning, he'd fought being so defensive, but every time he saw them together, it hurt worse. He just didn't understand it. Blair dated lots of girls. He'd resigned himself to that, but then again, not every girl Blair had a thing for sold her body. 

Trying to block out intruding images of the two of them together gave him a splitting headache. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead a bit harder. Damn, Blair anyway for being so fucking open-minded. 

By the time he arrived upstairs, he found Blair hanging up the phone from ordering pizza. "It'll be here in about 15 minutes. Hey, man, what's wrong? Why are your eyes squinting like that?" Moving closer, Blair directed his sentinel to the couch, his voice suddenly softer. "You okay?" 

"I've just got a headache." Jim settled himself against the armrest, his hand now massaging the bridge of his nose. "I could use some aspirin." 

"Sure, man." Rooting around the kitchen drawer, Blair found the bottle. He brought it along with a glass of water to his friend. "Here." 

"Thanks." Jim took the pills and then closed his eyes again. The pounding at the base of his neck echoed and vibrated up through to his temples. 

"Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" 

"I'm not sick, Chief. And it didn't get this bad until a few minutes ago." 

"Well, you should've told me." A few moments of silence later, Jim peeked over at his worried friend. 

"It's okay, Chief. It's not that bad." 

"Jim, I'm your guide. You have to tell me when things start to get to you. Is this what was going on earlier?" 

"I guess. Look, Chief. I just want to eat and go to bed early. No big deal." Closing his eyes again, he waved a hand. "Don't you have plans with Amber or something?" 

"Amber? No, man, why would you think that?" Blair turned on the sofa, tucking his legs under him. "Jim, talk to me here. Is that what this is about? Amber?" 

"Damn it, Chief. Would you stop with that already. You're worse than a fucking terrier." 

"Thanks, Jim. That's great. You don't want to talk about something, you turn abusive." The sudden dip in the cushion signaled Blair's leaving. Sighing to himself, Jim remained quiet and resigned. Eventually his guide would leave completely. Better to get used to it. 

"Jim, I think we need to talk." 

A rush of anger surged through his chest. He didn't want to deal with another betrayal. Standing up, Jim headed upstairs while he unbuttoned his shirt. "Look, Chief, I'm not hungry anymore. You want to talk, go talk to one of your women. While you're at it, call up Amber. Hell, you get her a fucking scholarship, she'd probably do you for free." 

"What? Jim? That is like so harsh, man." 

Turning, the fury running wild in his throat, he walked back down to stand in front of his friend. "Harsh? Chief, being a whore is what's harsh, okay? You can talk about prostitutes in Egypt all you want, try to excuse it with an academic discussion, but it's an ugly reality. She wasn't stupid and made her own choices, bad choices, but her's all the same. Why can't you see that?" 

"See what, Jim? That she's a girl with like almost no self-confidence? Man, you've got no idea what that's like, to want people to like you so damn much, that you'd do almost anything to get their approval. I mean, where do you get off judging her like that?" 

"I'm a cop, Blair. She broke the law. She says she's going to stop, but sometimes it's not that easy." 

"What do you know about it?" The hurt in Blair's blue eyes stung him before he could manage an answer. 

"I worked vice, Blair. I've been where you are." His voice trembled at the memory surfacing, a face he hadn't let surface for years staring him down. 

"What are you talking about, man?" Still confused, Blair stood close, bewilderment twisting his intense features. 

Indecision raged against the need for revelation. After a few moments, Jim whispered. "Sit down, Chief. We need to talk." 

Just as he started to speak again, the knock signaled the arrival of supper. After paying for the pizza, Jim set it on the table and proceeded to get out plates. "You want a beer?" 

"No, man, but an explanation would be nice." Sitting at the table, Blair watched every move, concern darkening his expression even further. 

As he sat down across from his partner, Jim took a slice and wiped his hands. "When I was in vice, there was this kid named Adam. He was barely 18, but he could've been 60 with all the life he'd seen. I mean, he'd already burned out with hustling. It wasn't pretty and he wasn't working his way through school either. He'd had a really hard time. I don't want to go into all that. The thing was, I really liked the kid and I thought I could save him." 

Blair played at the cheese on top of his dinner, but didn't eat much. He avoided looking up. "Why this Adam? Why was he special?" 

"I'm not sure." Jim stopped pretending to eat and leaned forward, both hands on the table. "It's just that there was something about him. We met on a case I was working and afterwards, we just talked. I couldn't understand why someone so smart, so attractive, could do that to himself." 

"So, what'd you do?" 

"I broke a cardinal law of vice. I got involved." 

"Involved how? I mean, did you give him money or something?" 

"In a way." Jim swallowed hard. The lingering sensation of the young man's body lying against his chest burned through his skin. "When I said I got involved, I meant that I brought him home to live with me for awhile." 

"What?" The shock brought Blair's eyes on full focus. "You brought him home? Like me?" 

"No, not like you, Chief." Rubbing his forehead again, the pounding still growing, Jim forced himself to continue. "At the time I thought I was doing it just to protect him, but I couldn't even do that. By the time I figured out that he was playing me for a fool, I'd been found out by my captain." 

"Is that why you had to leave vice, for taking in a kid from the street?" 

Shaking his head, Jim's voice sounded incredibly weary. "Everybody thought I was fucking him, but I wasn't. I wouldn't betray that trust he had in me." He said the word trust like he'd bitten into a spoiled piece of meat. 

"Come on, Jim. What happened?" 

"As it turned out, he was using me for a cover. He was hiding out from a pimp that he set me up to kill. He played me big time, Chief." 

"And Adam?" 

Jim stood up, taking his beer with him. After a few more drinks, he struggled to form the stubborn words. "I tracked him down, but he wouldn't surrender. I ended up having to shoot him. He died where I should've left him, in the streets." He pushed away the blur of visions tracking through his mind as he watched Adam die in his arms all over again. Never again would he make that kind of mistake, afford that kind of trust. Ice weighed like a ruby glacier in his veins. Frozen barriers protected him still. 

"Jesus, Jim. That must've been awful. I can't imagine how bad you must have felt having to do that." 

Taking a few more drinks, Jim turned back and locked on to staring at his partner. "What I learned was, that a prostitute can sell you more than a body, Chief. They sell a whole load of goods, too. People who are as trusting as you get suckered in fast." 

"So, you think I'm a sucker for trusting her, for thinking she has a right to a second chance?" 

"I didn't say that." 

"But that's what you meant." Blair sat quietly at the table, picking at the edge of the pizza box. Very softly, the words formed precisely, but on a narrow focus. "I know that you think I'm naive, Jim. But, at least I still have some hope about other people. I really hate the fact that trusting others is such a big issue for you. You're a great person, but trust, man, it's like the holy grail for you. You just can't seem to find it. And that really sucks." 

Suddenly defensive, Jim argued. "That's not true. I trust people." 

"Yeah, right. Name somebody." 

"I trust Simon." 

"Okay. Who else?" 

The name glued itself to his tongue. It made his voice hoarse. "I trust you." 

"Do you?" Young eyes stared directly at him, demanding an answer. 

"Yeah, Blair, I do." 

Nodding, satisfied by the conviction pressed behind the words, Blair asked, "And I appreciate that it's not easy for you to do that, much less admit it. I'm honored, man. But the thing is, if you really trust me, why can't you trust my judgment?" 

Leaning back on the counter, Jim fought the urge to kneel beside his friend. He saw the hurt and insecurity playing behind the sad eyes. More than anything, he wished he could soothe it all away. Instead, he stood his ground and tried to explain without causing anymore pain. "Chief, I trust you because I know I can count on you to do what you say. But, you always expect others to be the same way and they're not. A lot of people tell you what you want to hear. Very few tell you the truth. You trust too easily. I'm just afraid you're going to get hurt." 

"Maybe, but, Jim, man, you're already wounded. God, you live in such a dark place. Always suspicious and expecting the worst. It really makes me hurt for you sometimes." 

"Well, don't. I'm fine." 

"Yeah, you think you're okay, but you scare me." 

Taken by surprise, Jim tilted his head in confusion. "Scare you? Why?" 

"You're so narrow, so black and white. Somebody makes a mistake and, bam, he's gone, man. No second chances." 

Very softly, Jim whispered. "And why does that scare you, Chief?" 

"Because, man, I'm fuck up king of the modern world. I just keep waiting until I screw up big time. Then my ass will be gone." 

Stepping closer, Jim stood looking down at his partner. Taking the chair beside him, he shook his head. "No way, Chief. That's not going to happen." 

"Jim, you don't know me. I mess up every good thing I've ever had. Eventually it's bound to happen. I do something really awful and you'll get pissed off and I won't even see it coming. My stuff will be in boxes and I'll be gone." 

"Never going to happen, Chief. Forget about it. We're partners. The only thing that could divide us is if you decide to leave." 

"Or I fuck up." 

Leaning back against the chair, his hand at his chin, Jim studied the man before him. Blair sat with his head down, his eyes averted. "Blair, where's all this coming from? Do you think I want to get rid of you or something? Is that what you're thinking?" 

"I don't know what to think sometimes. I'm confused, Jim. Sometimes you act like you don't mind me dating, but then when I do, you act different." 

Warning bells started ringing. "Different how?" 

"I swear, this is fuck up territory here, Jim." 

"Out with it." Jim sat up straight, bracing himself for what might be coming. He feared Blair wanted to leave him. Amber made for a pretty damn tempting getaway ride. 

"You act like you're jealous." The younger man glanced over warily at his partner. 

"Jealous?" His jaw tight and twitching, the sentinel closed his eyes. "Why do you say that, Chief?" 

"Well, it's just you get so territorial, like I belong to you or something. I mean, I might be misreading the signals, but I could swear that lately anytime I show any interest in someone, you get one of your moods." 

"Moods?" 

"Yeah, like tonight. You either don't want to talk at all or you want to snap my head off. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous, like you were afraid I'd leave you or something. I mean, am I like totally off the mark, or what? Help me out, man. Tell me I'm wrong." 

Gauging his words very carefully, Jim shook his head. "You're wrong, Chief. Jealousy, well, that's not the main emotion I have when I think of you with Amber or Maya or the countless other girls you seem to attract." 

"So, what is the emotion?" 

Standing, trapped by his own spring flood of terror, Jim turned toward the door without speaking. 

"Oh, great, Jim. Is this like some fight or flight mode, man?" 

Whirling, the anger clenching his throat, Jim forced himself to speak. "You don't want to hear what I'm thinking, Chief. None of this is really about you. It's me, okay? I just get pissed when I see you making all these huge mistakes with your love life." 

"They're my mistakes, man." 

"Like I don't know that? Of course, I know that. I get pissed at myself for even thinking about it, much less trying to control you. I know myself, Chief. We're friends and I want to keep it that way. You're not the only one who can fuck up. I stay here much longer and I'm going to say something that's going to cause a problem." 

Blair stepped over to his partner and stared him directly in the eyes. "What are you going to say, man? The truth? Well, hell, that would be a nice change." 

"Chief?" 

"No really. You're leaving something out here. I can tell. What is it that you're willing to run from rather than to tell me? What scares you so damn much?" 

"You, Chief." 

Stunned silence actually made Blair take a step back before he could balance. Just as Jim turned to leave again, he heard, "Don't you dare leave now, Jim Ellison. Don't you fucking dare walk out on me." 

"Chief, you don't understand." 

"Then explain it, Jim. How the hell can you, the bravest man I've ever met, stand there and say that I scare you? That makes no sense at all." The younger man walked nearer and placed a tentative hand over the one at the door. "Plus, if you leave now, I'll be really pissed. Come on, man, don't leave me hangin' here. Sit down and tell me what's got you acting so weird all of a sudden." 

Reluctantly, Jim followed his guide to the couch. This time he didn't lean back and comfort disappeared. "Look, Chief. What I meant was I'm not used to being close to another person like I am with you. I don't know if it's got anything to do with being my guide or my friend. Whatever it is, I get these really overwhelming protective urges going and I can't seem to stop myself. You know how I am about control. Well, I can't control this sometimes and that's what scares me." He looked down at his hands, his heart racing as he prayed he hadn't scared his partner away. 

A hand found its way to his back and very gently rubbed, finding just the knots to exorcise. The tension pooling at his shoulders eased at the touch. "Jim, listen, man. I know this thing between us gets pretty intense sometimes. I mean, I have to admit being a little scared by that myself." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah, man. It's like we're bonded or something. But, Jim, is that such a bad thing? Is it so awful to be hooked up with someone so close? Personally, I kind of like it." 

The one hand massaged its way down his spine, each contact point an electric fire. "What are you trying to say here, Chief? You like it when I get possessive and over-protective?" 

"No, but I like the fact that you care. I don't want to scare you, man, but I'm beginning to think that this link between us may include more than friendship." 

His back arched as Blair's hand suddenly settled at the small of his back and rested there, waiting. He turned his head and met a rounded pair of eyes, eyes that searched his for a signal. "What exactly are you saying here, Chief?" 

The slightest smile curled full lips. "I don't think you're that slow, man. I think you know what I'm saying. I think we're both a couple of cowards because neither of us want to be the first one to say something just on the off chance that it's just wishful thinking." 

Gulping and forcing the words made his throat hurt all the way down to his chest. "Wishful thinking about what, Chief? You're the guide. Tell me where you want this thing between us to go." 

Taking a deep breath like he would before diving off a storm-crashed pier, Blair whispered. "I think I'm in love with you, man." 

"You only think?" Jim reached out a hand, tracing a finger down the whiskered jawline. His breath caught as Blair angled his head toward the palm, closing his eyes to trap the sensation forever in his mind. 

"I know, man. God, Jim, that feels like heaven." 

Using his thumb, Jim rubbed it along the lower lip and sank back with the rush of increased heat from his friend's mouth. The flush of the young man's skin scorched his hand. He sat there amazed for a moment longer before he moved his hand to the back of soft dark curls. Cupping the scalp, he drew his friend closer. Ever so lightly he let his mouth capture the moans matching his own. They vibrated into his throat as the rush of wet steam sizzled his tongue. The sharp flavor of Blair mixed with the earlier pizza, but he found he could separate them. His guide's exotic tang matched his scent, erotic and spicy. He sucked and probed deeper to find himself captured in a purity of taste that took his breath away. 

From a great distance, hands pulled at his face, pushed at his chest. Finally, he leaned back, letting pale light back into his vision. "Jim, man, are you okay?" 

"You taste like I thought you would, Chief." 

"Oh, man, you thought about how I would taste?" 

Nodding, a slight smile grew along with the wicked fantasy waving a naughty hand in his mind. "Oh, yeah, Chief. You know what else?" 

"What, man?" Blair snuggled into the sure embrace that held him to his sentinel's firm chest. 

"That little tease and taste test you just pulled made me really hungry." 

"Not scared?" 

"Nope, I liked it." He stroked the face of his prize as he whispered. "I love you, Chief." He shook his head in amazement. "How the hell did that happen?" 

"I don't know, man, but I'm sure glad it did." Shyly, Blair tested a button on his sentinel's shirt. "Hey, want to try that taste thing again and work on not zoning?" 

"I zoned?" 

"Yeah, big time. We need to practice. Breathing's a good thing, too." 

"But not as good as you, babe." With a quick sweep, Jim brought the man he loved closer and made him his own. Suddenly free from an icy prison, heat gathered sentinel and guide to a more tropical retreat. Frenzy and passion finally ran wild in the jungle of Jim's voracious, Blair-drenched mind. 

The End 


End file.
